1. When someone tells you about them, listen.

2. Don’t do anything that you would be embarrassed to see on the front page of the newspaper.

3. The more you give, the more blessings you will receive.

4. Getting an education is not an option.

5. Take your vitamins everyday. It’s difficult for anyone to eat all the nutrients they should in one day.

6. It doesn’t matter if you’re the only little brown girl in the room…you can compete with anyone. You can do it.

7. Don’t let anyone mistake your kindness for weakness.

8. Always speak clearly and annunciate.

9. It doesn’t matter that you’re small. Powerful things come in small packages…diamonds and dynamite.

By Keesha B.

Have you ever noticed yourself making the same decisions, the same choices, experiencing the same outcomes and wondering, “why does this keep happening to me?” Perhaps it’s that you’ve been dating virtually the same man, different name, over and over again. Maybe you noticed that you continue to be in situations where you get taken advantage of or something simpler like your weekend routine is stuck in a rut, you’re chronically unable to stay on a diet, be on time, or stay on a workout routine. All of these situations, while on the surface may seem unrelated, are patterns.

Did you know that these patterns of repeated behaviors, thoughts, and actions that you’ve built up over the years have actually formed neurological connections and pathways in your brain? Translation, you have physically created pathways in your brain (like little bunny trails) about how to respond to different experiences in life based on repeated patterns of behavior in the past.

It’s a phenomenon called “brain plasticity” or “neuroplasticity” which is the brain’s ability to change and be malleable as a result of one’s experiences.   So the good news here is that, your “old habits” don’t have to “die hard” ladies. You can actually put a stop to those old patterns of behavior and ways of thinking and acting (and picking the same ol’ man) by changing and creating new neurological pathways/”bunny trails” in your brain. So you’ll no longer have to ask yourself, “why does this keep happening to me?” Here are a few tips to get you started:

Tips for Changing Old Patterns into New Patterns:

Monitor Your Thoughts – Try to be aware of the times when you hear your inner critic reinforcing negative feedback, doubts and fears. Then deliberately allow yourself to think the opposite thought. Continue to do this swap out every time you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts that you want to change.

Act on Your Inner Voice – We all have a little voice inside of us that lets us know if what we’re doing or what we’re about to do is the best course of action. All too often though, we don’t listen to it and instead make other choices based on past maladaptive experiences, emotions, esteem or feedback from others. Next time you hear your little voice inside telling you what to do, listen to it, instead of ignoring it…because it’s probably right.

Practice Makes Change Possible – Creating new neurological pathways/patterns takes consistent and physical work. It’s not enough to just “think” differently, you have to actually practice “doing” differently. The neurological connections that control your thinking are not the same as the ones that control your actions. Which is why you have to do both, think and act differently, if you want to create new habits of behaviors.

Choose to Affirm – As you continue to practice thinking differently and acting differently for the purpose of developing new life habits and experiences, you will be faced with choices; choices to affirm the “new” you and your new ways of thinking, acting and experiencing the world. Or choices to reaffirm the “old” you and your old ways of thinking, acting and experiencing the world. It will be hard, but choose to affirm and reaffirm the new you over and over again. That’s how new neurological patterns are built. That’s how old habits die. That’s how the new you comes to life.

Name:

Twitter: @TJthehealer

Hometown:  Atlanta, GA                                                           

Roles you play in life:  Friend, Sister, Auntie, Poet, Author, Artist, and Healer.

Education:  B.A. Psychology, Emory University.  License in Massage Therapy, Rising Spirit Institute.  Certifications in Hand & Foot Reflexology, and Aromatherapy, The Heal Center Atlanta.

Occupation: Healing Artist/Visual Artist/ Author/ Poet…

In one word: Artist

3 Words that describe you:  Passionate, Creative, & Spiritual

What is your favorite movie?: Love Jones is a classic that I can watch on any rainy day.

What is your favorite travel destination?: Dominican Republic. The sun seemed brighter, the air sweeter, and the water was simply divine.

What beauty product can’t you live without?: I use Jamaican Mango Lime Locking Gel when I am trying to achieve a manicured look with my locs.  But I realize that I receive the most compliments on the days when I just let my hair– BE.

Finish this sentence, “To feel more centered I…”: meditate. I once heard that praying is talking to God and meditation is listening.

Who are your tv/film fashion inspirations?:  My style is bohemian, hippie-gypsy…I love to wear layers of natural fabrics. I watch very little tv, but when I hear the word fashion, I instantly think of Tracee Ellis Ross.   

What is your favorite restaurant?:  Atlanta’s World Peace Café is a home for happy vegans. I switched to a vegan diet in January of 2012 and it amazed me how many places to do not even attempt to offer vegetarian or vegan-friendly dishes on their menus. World Peace only offers food that I can eat.

What is your favorite hobby/pastime?: Watching  Youtube videos of poets, musicians, and artists located all around the world. Creativity breeds creativity.

Latest obsession:  Finding both old and new music on Pandora Radio and creating many stations for my many moods.

One thing you’re most proud of?: Publishing my first book, The Rebirth: A Woman’s Poetry.     There were a lot of things that I did not know when I started the book but quickly learned as the project unfolded with ease and grace. I believe this book is a starting point for many great things to come, and fear has officially left the building.

What words do you live by?: “Seek Truth, Find Peace”

What is your favorite thing about The Vyne/VyneWorld.com?  I love the Phenomenal Women Spotlights.  When you find your passion in life and tap into the power that the universe provides, you are able to inspire others to do the same.  The creators of The Vyne, Keesha and Kailei, and all of the women features have mastered this process.

By Vyne Contributor, Ebony Staton Weidman

Do you walk the aisles of Sephora carefully examining each product? When feeling down, do you consider it a pick-me-up to peruse a store’s cosmetics department, and perhaps purchase that creamy lipstick? Because you deserve it, after all. And, are you waiting all year to hear Pantone’s color of the year announcement so you can run to your nail salon and have your toes painted this new, hot color?

Well, if you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, I got a little sumthin’ sumthin’ for you. Move in closer. (I look around the room.) Shhh, don’t tell anyone. (I’m whispering now.) “Girl, have you heard of Birchbox?”

The die-hards have probably already been signed up for a year, but I just recently tasted the fruits of Birchbox, and I am hooked. I went to birchbox.com and read:

Birchbox is the best way to discover new grooming, beauty and lifestyle products. Sample top products from high-end brands, get expert advice, buy new favorites and earn points with every purchase.

Sold! I filled out the easy profile with info on my skin tone, the type(s) of products I am interested in-hair, nail, makeup, etc. (of course, I checked “all of the above”). Then, after a few days, I received an email to confirm. I think it was, like, four days later and there it was…the box. No bigger than a book box from Amazon, this little treasure chest was neatly packed with deluxe-sized samples of perfume, conditioner, nail polish (in a lovely sorbet shade of Pantone’s color of the year, by the way), lux face cream and more. The month of May even had a theme focused on the CW’s Gossip Girl and included in the box was contest info to win prizes related to the show. Bonus.

This all sounds amazing right? But, you probably think it was pricey to get goods from brands like Kiehl’s, Ojon, Color Club and Bvlgari. Nope. Ten bucks! Ten dollars a month and you receive a little box of love-great products that you can try and not feel guilty about the cost if you don’t like them. I mean, one of these travel-sized items alone is usually around $10, so it’s extra love.

Don’t be shy or whisper about this one. Sign up and check it out for yourself. If you’re anything like me, it will satisfy your cravings and when you look at your monthly spending on products, your bank account will be satisfied as well.

I can’t wait until next month!

1) Scandal - Airs: Thursday nights at 10pm EST on ABC; Why We’re DVR’ing: Because Shonda Rhimes has done it again! The writing and drama are fantastically consuming and the cast, led by Kerry Washington, is diverse and talented. Check out this fabulous write-up by Vyne Contributor, JaSaun Buckner.

2) Interior Therapy – Airs: Wednesday nights at 9pm EST on Bravo; Why We’re DVR’ing: There’s just something intriguing about watching Jeff Lewis size up his clients based on the disarray of their homes. He is scarily accurate and watching him and his assistant Jenni transform rooms from design disasters to master pieces is quite entertaining.

3) 30 Rock – Airs: Thursday nights at 8:30pm EST on NBC; Why We’re DVR’ing: I have such an appreciation for Tina Fey. Between her being the first ever female head writer of Saturday Night Live and her best selling book “Bossy Pants”, which I read and enjoyed, she’s a girl’s girl. Smart, funny, ambitious. If you like comedy (in all its forms—e.g. subtle, overt, outlandish) then you’ll enjoy 30 Rock. I encourage you to start with Season 1. If you have Comcast, you can catch up on all past episodes on Xfinity Streampix.

4) Parks & Recreation – Airs: Thursday nights at 9:30pm EST on NBC; Why We’re DVR’ing: Amy Poehler leads the cast and is another smart, funny cookie. The writing on this show is incredibly funny, often due to the comedic chops of writer and Vyne Woman to Watch, Aisha Muharrar.  And admittedly, I have a thing for funny man Aziz Ansari who also stars on the show.

5) Veep – Airs: Sunday nights at 10:00pm EST on HBO; Why We’re DVR’ing: Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays the lead role, Selena Meyer VP and  is funnier than she’s ever been. It’s an amusing, sarcastic look at what being VP of the USA might be like. Also, we’re enjoying new comer and Vyne Woman to Watch, Sufe Bradshaw‘s poise and quick wit as the assistant to Julia’s character.

6) Shark Tank – Airs: Friday nights at 8:00pm EST on ABC; Why We’re DVR’ing: Any entrepreneur or anyone thinking about becoming an entrepreneur should watch this show. Each episode features several business owners pitching to the “sharks” — successful entrepreneurs Barbara Corcoran, Daymond John, Kevin O’Leary, Lori Greiner, Mark Cuban and Robert Herjavec — for investment in their ideas. And believe us, it can get vicious in the shark tank, especially when the entrepreneurs don’t come with their “A-game”!

By Siddiqu “The Personal Trainer”

High levels of fruits, vegetables, greens and beans help you lose weight because they are low in calories, high in volume and high in critically important nutrients. On a very practical level they fill you up, without loading you up with fat and calories. And when your stomach is filled up with high volume, low calorie food, there is less room for other bad stuff.

There is also a growing body of evidence that shows that plant-based foods help to control food cravings and overeating. They are nutrient dense, which simply means they are packed with all sorts of good things for you, which is something most of us know.

But what is new is the idea that a diet very high (much more than the recommended 5 servings a day) can help turn off our cravings for processed foods. They can short circuit the food addiction cycle, and help provide a jolt to your weight loss efforts.

Your Diet May Be Balanced- But Are You?

The average American diet is roughly 8% fruits, vegetables and beans. We are told to eat 5 or more portions a day, but to get real impact on your weight or health, you need to radically and dramatically increase daily intake, and put a special focus on green vegetables like spinach, broccoli and salad. Often what keeps us from doing this is that we are told to pursue a “balanced diet” and to “eat sensibly”. But what if your body is out of balance and overweight? In order to attain balance, might we need to pursue an “unbalanced diet” where we simply invert the ratios of fruits and vegetables in relation to everything else?

What if you don’t like fruit and vegetables

What if you don’t like fruits and vegetables? Take out a pen and list all the vegetables you’ve heard of and we’ll bet there are a few you like. Artichokes? Corn? Cucumber? On this list, circle all the vegetables you like, and tape the list to your refrigerator. You don’t have to eat a different one a day. Find a few you like, and start to incorporate them in your diet. Start by incorporating just one vegetable a day in each meal and one fruit. Maybe you are getting older and would be motivated by the fact that certain fruits like Pears help to preserve your eyesight, lower your cholesterol and help reduce the risk of colon cancer. Just being told that “something is good for you” often does nothing. But if you have a specific reason, for example mapping pears and fruit to better eyesight, it will help in your day to day decision making.

Vegetables

• Alfalfa Sprouts, Brussel Sprouts, Broccoli
• Collard Greens, Eggplant, Kale, Okra
• Summer Squash, Spinach, Leeks and Scallions
• Lettuce, Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Onions
• Zucchini, Turnips, Turnip Greens, Artichokes
• Green beans, Carrots, Celery,
• Bell Peppers

Fruits

• Apples, Oranges, Grapefruit, Strawberries
• Blueberries, Pears, Boysenberries, Cranberries, Cranberry Juice
• Blackberries, Cantaloupe, Melons

Breakfast

• ½ orange or 1 8 ounce glass orange juice or cranberry juice
• 2 slices of tomatoes
• Water

Lunch

• Mixed salad with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers
• Low fat/low calorie salad dressing
• Water

Afternoon Snack

• Bowl of berries of your choice
• Or 1 apple sliced

Dinner

• Green Beans
• Broccoli, carrot, cauliflower medley steamed

Evening Snack

2 servings raw vegetables

Name:

Hometown: Brooklyn, NY

Roles you play in life: Delightful Daughter, Crazy Cousin, Nicest Niece, Fun-Loving Friend, Mission Possible Mentor

Education: BS in Economics and Women’s Studies, University of Virginia. MS in Public Relations and Corporate Communications, New York University (current)

Occupation: Manager, Client Services – Digital

3 Words that describe you: Curious, Happy, Imaginative

What is your favorite movie?: Shrek

What is your favorite travel destination?: Barbados (My family’s country)

What beauty product can’t you live without?: Bobbi Brown Lip Gloss

Finish this sentence, “To feel more centered I…”: have a hot cup of ginger tea; freshly grated with 2 lumps of brown sugar

Who are your fashion inspirations?: Fashion wise I will have to say Michelle Obama, Diane Von Furstenberg, Catherine Malandrino and Tracy Reese

What is your favorite restaurant?: Fig & Olive (Meatpacking location)

What is your favorite hobby/pastime?: I absolutely love a good conversation, usually with a glass (or 2,3) of vino!

Latest obsession: Everything domestic, I have no clue why. Cooking, cleaning/organizing and interior design I think of all the time and it is furthered fuel by Pinterest…lol.

One thing you’re most proud of?: Being fearless. I’m proud I have been this way for most of my life and with different challenges I face as I grow…I’m still bold.

What words do you live by?: Be the exception to the rule

What is your favorite thing about The Vyne/VyneWorld.com? The variety and conciseness of the information shared. Perfect for my busy life and attention span these days. I love that the content is useful and to the point.

1. Be Creative Cover Up, V Neck Long Sleeve Tie Front Sheer Mesh Tunic
2.  J Valdi Plus Size Cover Up, Flutter Sleeve Printed Tunic
3. Trina Turk ‘Ogee’ Sheer Caftan Cover-Up
4. Beach Cover Up – Caftan Maxi Dress in Fuchsia
5. St. Barths Black 6 Shore Road Cover Up
6. Beaded Tunic Cover-Up
7.  DIANE von FURSTENBERG Zaila Short Coverup
8. Nanette Lepore Polynesian Print Tunic
9. La Blanca Play Date Coverup
10. The Caftan Dress

By Ebony Staton Weidman

Lately, I’ve come to realize that for years I have devalued my creativity.  I’ve always enjoyed writing.  I’m obsessed with studying colors, and I perceive the shape of objects in a designer-y kind of way.  I love taking photos and enjoy cooking as well.  And music, don’t get me started on how I listen to music.  I revel in how a song plays with sounds and the brilliance of its melody and rhythm. But, I’m not a graphic designer or a traditional artist.  I can play a little guitar.  I take dance classes, but I’m not a dancer. And so on.

But this part of me is much more foundational than a hobby or item on my interests list, so why have I acted as if something about being creative is childish or silly or unimportant?

I’m going to make a guess.  I’m going to say that in my many life circles of professional, academic, family, and social interactions, the idea that someone is smart or successful because she is creative is usually not a part of the discussion.  Instead, what school you attended, what company you work for, what car you drive etc. tends to be more deciding factors.  Therefore, (and I’m using my analytic voice here), while being a creative is admirable, it is not of high value unless you make money off of it or it gets you on television.  It’s just a theory, but I see this happen over and over…

You love writing.

You feel so good when you put pen to page.

You don’t want to sell articles or perhaps you know your stuff ain’t Barnes and Noble quality.

You start to think it’s silly.

When someone asks what you love to do, you stop mentioning writing.

You stop writing all together.

You stop doing what you love.

It’s tragic to think that we do this in big and small ways every day.  We make time for participating in everything but what we love to do.  Perhaps it’s because we are a little embarrassed.  Or maybe it’s because if we create and express, we are afraid of unleashing our true selves.

Ok, for fear of sounding too Oprah circa 2000, I just mean that I feel most like myself when I am writing.  I’m happy when I am taking pictures.  I experience such calm when I chop and slice and cook in my kitchen.  I feel grounded when I’m listening to music.  So, why not ensure that these expressions are an active part of my life?

So, in examining this phenomenon in my own life, I decided to literally force myself back into a creative space.  I bought a vintage camera off of eBay.  I painted my office a bright blue-green color.  (Apparently, this color is said to spark creativity.)  And I started writing a book, which is an idea that has lived inside of me for a long time.  (Note: I feel a little self-conscious and insecure just by telling you that.) Even if the book never happens, I am convinced that there is power in self-expression, and this power can lead to amazing possibilities and discoveries in ever part or circle of my life.

I once read…

“To create is to live.  To express is to breathe.  To find beauty in all things is to prosper.  Everything else is what we do in our spare time.”

Such wise and creative words.  I wonder who wrote them?

I did.

By Keesha B.

Being the architect of your career is essential to finding and doing work that showcases your strengths and work that you enjoy.  As I’ve weaved my way in and out of jobs and navigated the corporate America terrain (which can get pretty bumpy at times) and through it all there is one asset that has never failed me and consistently helps keep me on the right track. That is, my mentoring network. I’m not talking one person, I’m talking a NETWORK of mentors who perform different functions in my work life, all of whom help me in some way to navigate my career journey and experience success along the way.

The really basic definition of mentoring, which you probably already know, is a developmental relationship between two individuals in which a more experienced person (the mentor) assists a less experienced person (the protégé). A few characteristics that describe a healthy mentoring relationship are: 1) mutually beneficial for both the mentor and protégé, 2) deliberate and intentional, meaning both parties put in the work to sustain it and 3)that it’s a journey, which means it takes time to develop, deepen and discover the benefits.

If you only have one mentor, then it’s time to step it up. With the job market the way that it is and opportunity opening up in a variety of different covert and overt ways, having a network of mentors is an asset that no one should be without. Additionally, you should never build your mentoring network when you need it (e.g. when you’re out of a job) but rather before you need it so you can focus on nurturing and growing the relationship.

If you’re ready to start building your mentoring network here are the four types that I recommend you have:

• The Coach – This is the mentor who is going to be able to give you job related performance feedback. They are usually a leader in your current organization that has visibility into your on-the-job performance, you strengths as well as your developmental opportunities.
•  The Confidant – This is the mentor who is going to tell you when you have “spinach in your teeth”. They are likely the person you’ll vent to on a stressful day. This is a person you trust implicitly and who trusts you implicitly. They may be in your organization or may not. Regardless they are the person who knows and understands the concept of unwritten rules and can help you navigate and/or understand them as you do your best not to step on any political land mines.
•  The Content Expert – This is the mentor who gives you specific guidance on a particular skill that you are trying to acquire. For example, if you were trying to improve your presentation skills, this person would be someone who is naturally good at presenting and willing to help guide your skill development.
•  The “Co-Signer”– This is the mentor who acts as an advocate for you in your current role. Their sole responsibility is to talk you up to the leaders in your organization when you’re not around. And to bring you up when people who don’t know you should know you. They are ideally in a significant leadership role and have the ability to influence your next role.